范文剖析雅思考试，句式单一
石家庄新航道雅思培训学校
发表于：2015-05-12 17:18:09以下两篇文章都是essay类型。内容也相同，都是评论骑自行车的长处。“bicycle”是中国人写的考试范文，“why cycle?”是一个英国人为“召唤伦敦人多用自行车”的活动写给网上读者的。请我们注意下面几个方面：
一 用词
“bicycle”作者的用词是中国式的。从标题就能够看出来。骑自行车的一般说法是 “cycling” 或“riding a bike”,骑自行车的人是“bicyclist”或“cyclist”。若是依据作者的标题，不该该是评论骑自行车的疑问，大概是评论自行车自身比如创造、改善、用处、价钱、款式、功用等疑问。文中其他的用词，我们能够个人找。
二 句式
“bicycle”的作者句式单一，简直即是一个又一个简略句次序排列，并且少有用形容词和副词润饰语句，使语句过于平平。要点不杰出，句式无崎岖，词汇有限，并在文章中重复使用，如：“骑自行车”，作者仅用“bicycles”或“riding bikes”或“they”造简略句。而“why cycle?”的作者用相同的词对语句做各种润饰。尽管文体是essay, 但由于是登在网上的，要照看各个层次的读者，所以作者的句式和用词都趋于简略，但并不单调。
三 文章布局
“bicycle”作者的思路是明晰的，但表达不明确，所以形成布局紊乱的感受，考试时会吃亏的。 下面即是这两篇文章。
中国作者的Bicycle (摘自雅思上网友的习作)
Bicycles have become more and more popular in China. People ride bikes to their work places, to shopping areas, to schools, and so on. During the rush hours, you can often see a boiling sea of bicycles running in all directions. With the largest number of bike riders in the world, China is often referred to as the kingdom of bicycles.(主题句不明显，不知道作者想要说什么：自行车越来越盛行，要评论盛行趋势？自行车那么多，要评论自行车对城市的影响？中国是自行车王国，要评论中国的自行车前史？ )
Compared with cars, bikes have many advantages(这大概是主题句，在这么短的文章里大概放在榜段). First, they are not very expensive, and almost every family can afford them. (这句话分红2个语句比较好，一句是key point,一句做进一步解说)Second, they are very handy and convenient though they are not so fast as cars. With a bike, you can go anywhere you like, and you don't have to look for a large parking place. By riding bikes, you can avoid traffic jams and thus save the time and the money for taking taxis(同榜点相同，但这一点思路有些乱). Third, they do not cause air or sound pollution(没有解说，这一点必定拿不到好分数).
Riding bikes does good to your health if you ride it regularly(这大概是文章要论说的第四点，但没有连接词，又分了段，打乱了文章的全体布局). In modern times, people are usually too busy to spare any time for physical exercise. Riding a bike to your work place regularly serves as a good way to keep yourself strong and healthy. (2个语句的次序换一下比较好。由于前面现已说了有益于安康，读者等着听解说，但作者却换了论题。榜句话大概是第二句话的缘由。)
Therefore, a bicycle is really an important means of transportation in China. It has been very useful, convenient and necessary ever since it was invented. And I do believe it will still be so in the future.(定论情绪不明显，没有紧扣主题句。 大概重述四个长处，然后给出定论)
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